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2009 PEPSI GUMPANY AWARDS!


Posted: September 08, 2009 7:31AM; Updated: February 23, 2010 11:30AM
OK, time to do it. This was harder than ever, as I was far more detatched from Pepsi Center Hockey than ever before, but with the help of gossip and Pointstreak, I patched this presentation together for your criticism. DISCLAIMER: I don't care what you think.

MVP- Scott Gliss/Dan Wendt

These two dudes were near the top of the score sheet in at least two different divisions. Scott in both Bronze divisions, including putting up something like 72 points in one of them... really? Dan was near the top in both Silver and Bronze. Obviously these two were key pieces to the puzzle for each of their teams. Good Job.

Sniper- Matt Zarbo

He shoots a lot, he scores a lot. Pass it to him.

Playmaker- Jason Ciesielski

For the fairly offensively feeble Lords of the Rink team, the offense took on an entirely different dynamic when the puck was on his stick. It almost seem like he made a point of passing more than shooting, but if it works, then work it. I saw first hand some extremely key passes that changed the entire season for us, literally. The Lords got where they did because of his distribution skills. w00t.

Youngster on the Rise- Matt Hyer

This little dude was 3rd in scoring in the 14 and Under division and 4th in scoring in the 16 and Under division! That means he's at most 14, and still crushing it with the older guys! Imagine where he'll be once he is 16?? I expect to see him on the top of many scoring leader lists in years to come, and likely on one of the Wings travel teams if he isn't already! Keep it up.

Unsung Hero Award- Matt Stadlmeir

This grizzled veteran helped lead the 13 Eyes Silver team to the lowest goals against in the league (I think?). If not, then very close. For a team that didn't score nearly as much as the high-powered teams in the league, he was extremely key to helping guide this team to the Silver playoffs while playing a very disciplined defensive style of hockey. One of the few guys on this team able to handle the offensive duties seemingly on his own.

Top Goalie- Dave Edwards

He played in almost every league, so since "most games played in one summer" isn't an award, I figured I'd slot him in for this one. Just joking, he was in the top 3 or 4 in GAA in Silver, Sunday Bronze, and Tuesday Bronze. If he's on his game, he's very tough to beat, if he's off it, he'll probably just punch someone hahahaha. Good work Trent.

Leader Award- Jason Lee Flowers

That lunatic on the bench sceaming at the players is not some nut who can't control himself, it's all for a greater cause. His animalness helped to will his teams, ESPECIALLY the Lords of the Rink, to heights never thought reachable. For fear of having to face him when returning to the bench after failure, his gentle prodding helped to urge his players on to success. Sure he had to wipe the foam from his mouth a few times, but without him, some things just wouldn't have been possible.

Red Bull Award- Red Army

They purposely only have like 4-6 guys on their team... why? because they never have to rest. period. They skate faster than everyone without stopping for the entire game. They are insanely in shape... or cracked out real bad.

Kleenex Award- The Silver League

We brought in an entire staff of NHL/AHL and other extremely experienced referees. What did it get us? More crying and immaturity than ever before. I don't know what it was, but players were more embarrassing than ever before throughout the Silver Division. Whether it was a win or a loss, every team, except for the Lords of the Rink of course, is thoroughly convinced that they'd be this session's Champion if it weren't for the referees... except for the Jackals who actually were the Champions but still think they were cheated out of something because of the referees.

Ax Chop Award- Eric Bennett

Someone who stands out from the Zarbos in slapshot taking-ness on Red Army? That's Right. Honorable Mention: Ax Chop.

Restraining Order Award- Mike Lutz

Honestly, that one referee may have one against him. After summoning the whole posse to the rink to challenge him, that is the closest anyone will probably get to having one hockey related.

Person Most Likely to Complain about this/be the first to break the news that Ralph Wilson died again and Michael Vick has been signed a 3-year deal to be a paul bearer/be the QB/be the GM and they're just waiting for the details to be worked out for it to be announced- Joe Laraiso

Don't be mad Joe, it's just my way of finding a way to include you in the festivities! Can I get some shauts??

Ok, there it is. Congratulations.

About the Author
A gifted writer, Chris routinely has a beat on the pulse of the house leagues within the organization. Well known for giving out his "Gumpany" awards, Chris adds humor, intelligence, and an intense zeal for professional wrestling to his reporting. "Chris is an unbelievably intelligent young man. I have got to know him very well over the years, and he is a class act. He has assisted me with numerous writing projects and is always willing to help out," says President Eric Haak.